One Year

Today marks one year that you have been in my home, Little One. I remember that day vividly. I was so excited and anxious for the case worker to arrive with you. She was late in coming, of course. But then, there you were! I picked you up out of the car seat, all 5 lb 12 oz of you. You were wearing a hospital onsie and wrapped in a hospital blanket. The blankets swallowed you up! I could hardly feel your weight in my arms. I was in awe of you. It was hard to focus on the paperwork and what the case worker was saying. We (my agency and I) asked lots of questions. It is almost comical now how much incorrect information we received that day. CPS didn't have the answers to most of our questions. I wasn't too concerned at that point. I knew it would take time for all the details to be unraveled.

After everyone left, I changed your clothes, bundled you up, and took you to work with me. I wore you in the ring sling our friend Ambere made for us. I wanted our bonding process to begin immediately. I wanted you to know that I was safe and would take care of you. My heart was a little scared to fall in love right away. It had just been broken a couple of weeks prior. But I knew the seeds of love were already planted in my heart.

Oh  my precious little girl! How you have changed and grown! This year has flown by. It may sound crazy to say, but I miss those first few months when you were so tiny. I enjoyed holding you and snuggling with you all the time. I'm glad you still like to snuggle with mommy. I hope that will last for another year or two. You bring such joy to my heart. Even when I'm exasperated because you don't want to obey, I can't help but to love you. You have filled my heart with love.

I didn't know a year ago that you would be forever mine. I am so glad you are! I guess God decided that we should be together. Maybe we could teach each other a few things. :) I've learned a lot this year by being your mom. I've learned that I can sleep in a recliner if I have to. I can change a diaper in the dark. I can make a bottle with minimal lighting. I know what songs will calm you down when you are fussy. I've also learned that my love for you will never be enough. Only true satisfaction in life will come from having a relationship with Jesus. I pray almost daily that you will know His love and want to serve Him.

I don't know what the future will hold. God gave me a word for this year, and it is "family". I guess this year will be for solidifying our relationship as forever mom and child. I have so many hopes and dreams for you dear child. I'm so curious what God has in store for you. I believe it is something great.

You should know something else, Little One. You were worth the wait. You were worth every frustrating meeting with CPS and GAL. You were worth all the paperwork and stress. You were worth all the pounds I gained being a foster parent. (Seriously, someone should have warned me about that! The stress is unreal! So I eat when I'm stressed. Not a good thing, I know.) You were worth all the heart break of previous losses. You are an amazing daughter. You are so smart and intelligent. You amaze me daily with your ability to understand what I'm saying. You are a gem. I hope you know that. I hope you never doubt your worth. I love being your mom.

Here is to the next year together, forever!