Yes, I'm THAT Mom.

I've surprised myself being a mom.  I didn't realize I would feel so strongly about some things and a little more easy going about others.  You don't really know what your parenting style will be until you are one.

For instance, yes I'm that mom who will correct a child in a play area if they are acting all crazy.  If you leave your child unsupervised and they are a hazard to mine, I will be speaking to the child.  I'm a momma bear, and I won't let my girls be bullied.  

I'm that mom who will feed my girls pizza one night; and then the next day, make sure their sandwich is made with 100% whole wheat bread and they drink all their almond milk.  

I'm that mom who has her kids say "Yes, ma'am".  

I'm that mom who doesn't let her girls have Disney princess stuff.  I don't want my girls growing up thinking life is like a fairy tale.  It doesn't take a man for their lives to start and they don't need to be rescued all the time.  On top of that, I don't let my kids watch anything containing magic or witchcraft.  Those things are contrary to what I believe as a Christian.  I told you I was that mom.  ;)  

I'm that mom who doesn't do Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.  I feel strongly that my girls should know what Christmas and Resurrection Sunday are all about, Jesus.  Jesus has done so much for me that anything less than total glory to Him, especially on those two holidays, would be wrong for me.  Don't get me wrong, you can have lots of fun and still celebrate Jesus.  And we do.  :) 

I'm that mom who bribes her toddler with candy to get her to go potty.  

I'm that mom who is extremely consistent with giving "time in" to my children because I want them to know what their boundaries are.  I mean what I say and I say what I mean.  I have my girls apologize when they have done something wrong.  Learning from one's mistakes is important. 

I'm that mom that gives words of praise frequently and thanks them for doing the right thing.

I'm that mom that says we go to church every week unless someone is sick.

We all have to find our parenting style, our way of doing things.  I'm seeing more and more how differently people parent.  As long as the child is healthy and developing properly, most parenting styles are okay. I do have very strong opinions about certain things, but I also realize that my ideas aren't for everyone.  Being a mom is showing me what is important to me and how I want my kids to be raised.

So forgive me if my ways seem a bit odd to you.  I understand if you roll your eyes when you hear me saying or doing something different from you.  I'm still learning, and I will probably change more over time.  For now, though, this is me and how I want to do things.  :)

Heaven, Reality, and Me

Tonight, as I was rocking my baby, it hit me again.  The desire to see these little ones in Heaven one day.  I started bawling at the thought of them not making it.  I feel like God placed them in my home for a reason.  I feel responsible to plant those seeds of faith into their hearts; praying daily that the seeds are planted in good soil.  This world is full of thorns and birds that will snatch away the truths I'm speaking into their lives.  Once they go home, I don't know when they will hear about Jesus again.  I will send with them Bibles, Christian books and videos.  Even if they aren't going to church or to a Christian daycare, I'm hoping bio family will read to them their Bible and seeds will be planted in their hearts too.  My oldest picked up a book today.  I asked her what it was about.  She said it was about Jesus.  :)  When I hear her say things like this, it gives me hope.  Hope that she will remember these truths years from now.  

On another note, the last few days have left me exhausted.  I enjoy being these girl's mom.  However, working and taking care of them is definitely taking its toll on my body.  On a good day, it is taxing to keep both of them happy.  When they are both sick, I feel overwhelmed.  I'm stretched thin.  What I really need is a break.  I'm sure most mothers feel that way.

However, being a foster mom I can't leave the girls with just anyone.  There is a process that has to happen in order for them to be approved by my agency.  It isn't hard.  It does take a little effort though.  This leaves me with limited options for babysitting.  I've missed out on a lot of great things because of the lack of help.  I knew this would happen, but I didn't realize how hard it would be to make plans for anything.  I need time to myself.  I need a weekend a month to do whatever I want.  I'm sure that sounds selfish to a lot of you.  And maybe it is selfish.  I don't feel like I can be the best mom possible to my girls if I continue on as drained as I am.  Honestly, I would love one evening a week to go see friends; and one weekend a month to get out of town.  Maybe I wouldn't need a whole weekend every month if I could get an evening each week.  The point is I'm exhausted.  My girls take every last drop that I have to give.  My love bucket is running low.  I need to be refilled so I have more to give.  I want to continue to be a good mom.  If you would, pray that I would be able to get more babysitters.  

Waiting

Waiting.  I'm pretty sure no one really likes to wait.  It is the source of frustration for most of us. It seems like life is one big "hurry up and wait" scenario.  We work hard to get to different places in our lives only to wait for the next thing.  Sometimes the waiting is just annoying.  Like when you are in the drive thru for 20 minutes at Starbucks and all you want is your Venti Iced Coffee.  Then there are other times when the wait can seem soul crushing.

There is one area for me that waiting is both annoying and soul crushing all at once.  This waiting to get married.  Now before any one begins to give me speeches on the values of waiting for the right person to marry, I KNOW THEM ALREADY.  :)  I give the same speech to people all the time.

I read an article recently, from a Christian perspective mind you, on the topic of singleness.  After I finished reading, I wanted to slap the author silly.  I know that sounds out of my character, but I was so upset by what she said.  She basically said that any female who is still single in her late 20's or early 30's it's their own fault.  She said that we as females got too busy trying to get ahead in our careers and never took our dating seriously enough.  That we could have been married by now if we had really wanted to.  Oh it makes me mad even now just thinking about it!  The truth of the matters is that she was SOOOO far off base!!!  I have never had a long line of men asking me out that I just turned down because I wanted to pursue my career.  Ridiculousness!!!!!  I never wanted a career.  I never wanted to work this long.  I wanted to be a stay at home mom and wife.  In all honesty, I'm single because there have been very few men who I would even consider dating. My standards aren't too high, but I do want a man who is passionate about Jesus.  Unfortunately, that is hard to come by.  Ask any of my single friends.  We will all tell you the same thing.  It is for a lack of single men, our age and Christian, that we are single.

The thing that ticks me off about how people view singleness is that we are told to stop wanting to get married.  Be happy in your singleness, they say.  You don't need a man.  All you need is Jesus.  And yes, I understand from where they are coming.  However, would you ever tell a woman who is waiting to find out if she is pregnant and desperately wants to have a baby that she doesn't need that baby?  Of course not.  Would you ever tell a couple who is waiting to bring their baby home from across the ocean to stop wanting that baby because all they need is Jesus?  Surely not.  Or perhaps would you say to the person waiting to find out the medical test results not to worry about it because they should find joy in all circumstances?  Most definitely not.  Why is it that we are so set on putting single people down for wanting to get married and go into a new phase in life?  Why are we so afraid to let them feel frustrated about the situation?

I realize that marriage does not fix problems.  I'm not saying that at all.  All I'm saying is that perhaps we should treat single people whose very souls are being crushed by the unfulfilled desire a little more gently.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to wait for something for well over a decade?  Give us a break.  Instead of saying, you only need Jesus; maybe give us a hug and say you are sorry that the wait has been so long and hard.  Maybe say a prayer for us to have the grace to deal with the loneliness that comes with being single.

I'm looking forward to the day when the wait will be over.

**Side note**  A little shout out to my friend W. L. whose wait ended today!  Congratulations on bringing your baby boy home from across the ocean!  Love you heaps!!!