Telling Their Story

It seems as if, in this day and age of social media, everyone's business is made public. Nothing seems to be very private any more. We may try to hide certain information or aspects of ourselves, but it all seems to become public some how. It is kind of scary. 

Knowing this, it makes me highly protective of my foster children. They are the easiest to be exploited in general. (Side note: Did you know human traffickers seek out foster children? How terrible is that!) Our children are not allowed to have their pictures published online, in school books, or in any mass media presentations. We want to make sure they are safe. 

But there is another aspect here that can be overlooked. It is also our responsibility to protect their stories. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. If Little One were to become my forever child, I want her story to be protected. I want to be the one who shares details with her, not friends or family members. It is a private and personal story that she can share with others if she wants to when she grows up. I've known that is it crucial not to share too much information with others for safety reasons. However, it is so much more than that. I wouldn't want someone blabbing my story when it isn't their place to share. In the same way, I want Little One to know that her story is safe and won't be shared without her permission. 

I have wondered if maybe I have shared too many general details with some people. I am hoping I won't later regret that. I have heard it said don't tell other people details of your child's story unless you feel ok with them telling it to the child. Inevitably, they will accidentally say the wrong thing to the child; and they will say oh I thought you (the child) already knew that. I would hate for that to happen!  

However, there is one aspect I would want her to know from the beginning. If Little One were to become my adopted child, I would want her to know she was adopted from the beginning. I want it to be as common knowledge as her hair color. In making it normal information, it takes away the secrecy. If I kept it secret and she found out when she was older, there would be a bigger chance that she would think it was something bad or shameful. There is no shame in being adopted. It is a beautiful story of redemption, and that is how I would want her to grow up seeing it. 

It would be my job, my responsibility, to tell her in age appropriate ways her story and journey. I need to make sure that I never lie when she has questions, to say I don't know instead of making something up. I would want it to be a topic that she always feels safe talking about. And if she ever wanted to find her bio family when she is older, I would hope that I am confident enough in my relationship with her to not be afraid of that process. 

Our children's stories are meant to be protected, not exploited. I am letting you know now, whenever I adopt, no one but me will ever know the full story. It isn't because I am trying to be rude. It is because I respect my child enough not to tell information that isn't mine to tell. I hope you all will understand. 

Mother's Day Isn't Always Easy

This Sunday is Mother's Day. Growing up, Mother's  Day was about trying to surprise mom with breakfast already made. It was never a surprise though. I mean 6 kids trying to cook in the kitchen isn't a quiet thing. Of course, we would pull our money together to get her a card and a gift. She appreciated our efforts. She especially liked it when we cleaned up the dishes. :) 

Now, I am a mother. Last year I didn't feel like one because my arms were empty. My beautiful girls had been gone for about 6 weeks at this point. I didn't feel like a mom. It was a very hard day for me. All I wanted was to hold my girls again. This year, I have a precious baby girl. I feel like a mom because my arms are full.  Little One is changing my life in so many ways. I love being her mom! I count it an honor and a privilege to take care of her. 

However, I can't help but to think about the other women out there this year whose arms are empty. I have many friends who are wanting desperately to have a baby. And for whatever reason, it is taking a long time. My hearts hurt for them. The ache of an empty womb can be crushing. Every month disappointment. I hate to see them in pain. Then there are the moms who are adopting and waiting to bring their babies home. Even though they have a promise of a baby, it doesn't help make the waiting any easier. Their hearts are torn. Their minds are constantly in two places at once. The tears they shed are for a child who they haven't even met yet, but has completely stolen their hearts. 

Then there is the foster mom. The mom who is loving a child that isn't her own and will probably have to give back at some point. The pain of loving and letting go is overwhelming at times. They often wonder if they are making any difference at all. Their children may not even acknowledge them as "mom". They are often forgotten as the children are thinking of their biological mom, which is understandable. They are "for now" moms, but moms none the less. 

To all the moms out there, whatever stage or place you are in, God sees your heart. He hears your cry. Even though there are times you feel completely forgotten, He hasn't forgotten you. He isn't being cruel and intentionally causing pain by withholding a child. I don't know why it isn't happening as easily as you would like. I do know that God is a God of love. His love for you is great. When you are exhausted and at your whits end, He is your strength and your rock. He will give you the wisdom you need to raise your child. If you are questioning if you should have taken a certain child because all you see are your limitations in helping them, God isn't limited by your abilities to help your child. He will equip you to be the parent you need to be. 

This Sunday, as you honor your mom, don't forget about those women that are waiting or grieving. It is not a joyous day for all. Give them a hug. Send a text message. Let them know that they are thought of and loved on this day. Many of us are/have been/will be in these shoes. Let's show them love and grace.