My kid's bio mom has been on my mind. With Mother's Day this weekend, I wonder how she is doing. I'm sure it has to be heart wrenching for her. To have had children but not have any of them in her arms would be a pain so deep. If ever there was a space for me to talk to her, I might say something like this....
Bio mom,
More than anything I want to say thank you for giving life to these beautiful children. I know you didn't have to, but you did. Giving them life was the best gift ever. Because you chose life, they have the opportunity to change the world. I know they have already changed my world. I can't imagine life without them. Thank you!
I want you to know they are doing well! They are growing. Most days I look at them shocked by how big they are getting. They are incredibly smart!!! Daily they surprise me with their knowledge and skill. They make friends wherever they go. They love dancing, music, books, and playing outside.
Most importantly, I want you to know they are loved and well taken care of. I love them with all of my heart. I know I didn't birth them, and they don't look like me. But they are my children in every way. I love being their mom!! They are safe. They are part of a family that adores them. My heart bursts with love for them. I know it has to be scary, wondering how they are doing, knowing you may never see them again. I want you to know, you don't need to be afraid. I am doing my absolute best to give them a good life. I am not a perfect mom. But I give 100% of myself to them. You can rest assured they are loved and wanted.
I talk about you to them. I let them know that you gave them the best gift, the gift of life. I let them know that the reason they are not with you has nothing to do with not being wanted or loved, just that you weren't able to take care of them at that time. They will grow up knowing your name and the how you chose life for them.
I also want you to know that I pray for you. I want you to know that Jesus loves you. He wants to take your pain and heal you. I would love for you to have a personal relationship with Jesus. He would change your world.
It is hard to put into words all my heart wants to say. I love them. I really do. Tears come to my eyes just thinking about the precious gift they are to me. I hope one day you will know just how amazing they are.
Wednesday, May 9, 2018
Tuesday, May 8, 2018
Delays and a Prayer Request
With foster care, you should always expect the unexpected. Let's face it, rarely do things go as planned or by the rule book. You would think one would get used to it at some point. I haven't though.
We have yet another delay with our case. A second extension of time was granted to the bio parents in their attempt to file for a review of the case before the Supreme Court. It is disheartening to see more time wasted. I was hoping maybe we would adopt by August. I'm not sure if that will happen now. I am trying to hold out hope for that. Now, it wouldn't surprise me if our case makes it to the two year mark, which will be in September. I really don't want to wait that much longer to adopt my boy. However, I do not have any control of this situation. None at all.
My heart hurts over this. There is a fear creeping in that I won't get to adopt him. The longer it takes for this appeal process to end, the more I wonder if it will ever end. This little boy deserves a forever family, not limbo.
I hear certain songs and burst into tears. I cling to the belief that God is still in the miracle making business. I feel like it will definitely take a miracle to finalize this adoption. God hasn't failed us. He has moved mountains and will do it again. I know God is with us. My doubts and fears come from seeing a system fail children over and over and over. I cannot trust the foster care system or the judicial system to do the right thing. So I pray. Daily. I do spiritual warfare over my son. For he is my son. The fighting is hard. It is wearisome. I feel the tension physically.
Do you remember the story of Moses in Exodus 17? The Israelites were fighting against the Amalek people. As long as Moses held up his hands, Israel was winning. When he grew weary and lowered his hands, the enemy would win. So Aaron and Hur each took one of Moses' hands and held it up. Moses' hands remained steady until the sun set. I need some people to be Aaron and Hur for me. I need people praying and fighting for my family with me. I believe in the power of prayer. Would you come along side me and pray that this appeal process would be wrapped up quickly? That our adoption would be finalized in a prompt fashion? While you are praying, pray for health and healing for my children. We have experienced an usual amount of illness in the last 2 months.
After you pray for me, pray for the 400,000 children in foster care all over the United States. We may not know their stories, but we know how difficult the system is. Pray for their protection. Pray for them to know Jesus and His saving grace. Pray that the case workers, judges, and lawyers will make wise decisions. Pray that their cases would not be lost in the cracks and forgotten about. Pray that more families would become foster parents.
We have yet another delay with our case. A second extension of time was granted to the bio parents in their attempt to file for a review of the case before the Supreme Court. It is disheartening to see more time wasted. I was hoping maybe we would adopt by August. I'm not sure if that will happen now. I am trying to hold out hope for that. Now, it wouldn't surprise me if our case makes it to the two year mark, which will be in September. I really don't want to wait that much longer to adopt my boy. However, I do not have any control of this situation. None at all.
My heart hurts over this. There is a fear creeping in that I won't get to adopt him. The longer it takes for this appeal process to end, the more I wonder if it will ever end. This little boy deserves a forever family, not limbo.
I hear certain songs and burst into tears. I cling to the belief that God is still in the miracle making business. I feel like it will definitely take a miracle to finalize this adoption. God hasn't failed us. He has moved mountains and will do it again. I know God is with us. My doubts and fears come from seeing a system fail children over and over and over. I cannot trust the foster care system or the judicial system to do the right thing. So I pray. Daily. I do spiritual warfare over my son. For he is my son. The fighting is hard. It is wearisome. I feel the tension physically.
Do you remember the story of Moses in Exodus 17? The Israelites were fighting against the Amalek people. As long as Moses held up his hands, Israel was winning. When he grew weary and lowered his hands, the enemy would win. So Aaron and Hur each took one of Moses' hands and held it up. Moses' hands remained steady until the sun set. I need some people to be Aaron and Hur for me. I need people praying and fighting for my family with me. I believe in the power of prayer. Would you come along side me and pray that this appeal process would be wrapped up quickly? That our adoption would be finalized in a prompt fashion? While you are praying, pray for health and healing for my children. We have experienced an usual amount of illness in the last 2 months.
After you pray for me, pray for the 400,000 children in foster care all over the United States. We may not know their stories, but we know how difficult the system is. Pray for their protection. Pray for them to know Jesus and His saving grace. Pray that the case workers, judges, and lawyers will make wise decisions. Pray that their cases would not be lost in the cracks and forgotten about. Pray that more families would become foster parents.
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
The Court System
May is National Foster Care Awareness month. I thought I should make an effort to blog more this month to share some insights and part of my journey. Today, I'm going to talk about the judicial side of foster care. It doesn't get talked about a lot. However, more light should be brought to this topic. Ultimately, it is the judges who make the final decisions for these children.
There are many variables to each case. Even though there are rules and timetables set for all things, it doesn't mean they will be followed. Just know what I am saying may not happen with every situation.
Once a child is placed into foster care, there is a "14 day hearing". This hearing is to evaluate the reasons for removal, give a service plan to the parents to help them get their children back, and to set the next court date. Also, an attorney is appointed to the children. They are usually the "Guardian Ad Litem" or GAL as well. The bio parents are required to attend this hearing. If they do not, it gets rescheduled. I have seen the "14 day hearing" get postponed as many as 4 to 5 times. This only drags the case on for even longer. At this hearing, the bio parents can contest the removal if they believe it was wrongful. If they do, then another court date will be set for the reason for removal to be reviewed. At that time, CPS investigators and bio parents will give their testimony and any evidence. The judge will decide if CPS removed rightfully. If the judge agrees with CPS, the children will stay in foster care and the case will continue. If the judge disagrees with them, the children will be returned to the bio parents usually the same day.
Every 60 days, give or take, a "status hearing" is held to review how the parents are doing with their service plan and to see how the children are doing in their foster home. It is usually a very brief session before the judge. Less than 15 minutes.
Around the 4-6 month marker they have a "permanency conference". This conference is not before a judge, but it is very important! The permanency conference is a time for CPS, the GAL, the attorneys for the parents, the foster parents, and bio parents to sit down and discuss the future of the children. If the bio parents are doing their service plan and really trying, they might talk about when to return the children. If the bio parents are not doing anything, they might talk about the need to switch goals from reunification to termination. A few days (or weeks) after this conference, there is a "permanency hearing". This is before a judge. They then discuss with the judge what the findings were from the conference. Sometimes, goals are changed or revised at this time. Even if the goal is switched to termination, it can always be changed back to reunification at any time.
Let's say the case is dragging on. The children have been in foster care for almost a year. At this point, two things can happen. #1 CPS will ask for an extension of 6 months to help give bio parents time to complete their tasks. #2 CPS may start talking about terminating the parent's rights. Usually, #1 is what happens.
If they decide to go towards termination, they usually have a pre-trial to set a date for the final trial. In Texas, bio parents are allowed to request their termination trial to be heard and decided by a jury. If this happens, it can take a little while longer to get a court date. If the bio parents do not request a jury trial, the judge will make the final decision.
I have sat through two termination trials. They are heart wrenching and intense. Even though, in my case, I was wanting to adopt the child involved, it didn't make it any easier. It is so hard to listen to all the things done wrong. My heart broke because I saw the loss. And yet, my heart cheered because adoption was around the corner for me! So many emotions!!!! Lots of crying.
Just because a parent's rights are terminated doesn't mean the case is over. The bio parents have the right to appeal the courts decision. They have 30 days to appeal. If they do, it can take 6 months to a year to get a ruling from the appellate court. If the appellate court disagrees with the original courts decision, a retrial could be required. If the appellate court decides there were no errors and they uphold the lower courts ruling, then the bio parents have the ability to request that the case be reviewed by the Supreme Appellate Court of their state. Now, Supreme courts get to pick and choose which cases they hear. More than likely, their case will be denied. However, it does drag things out and prevents an adoption from happening.
This is where we are right now. Bios have until May 16 to submit their official paperwork to have the case reviewed by the Texas Supreme Appellate Court. Once it is submitted, we wait to see if the higher courts will deny it or not. The waiting is terrible. It is frustrating. We were seriously only 10 days away from being able to head to adoption when they decided to appeal further. I am hoping maybe before the end of the summer we will have an adoption. But who really knows at this point.
I have been told though that if the higher courts deny the review, the bio parents cannot appeal any more. I am hoping this is true.
I know this was more informative than it was personal. I am planning on writing some more heart felt posts soon. I just wanted people to understand the court system a little better. It is difficult and convoluted at times. Like I said earlier, this may be the pattern it is supposed to follow; but there are no guarantees. They could change how they do things at any given time.
Please pray for the judges. They are having to make life altering decisions based upon the information given them. Sometimes those court documents leave out important things. Sometimes the decisions are made in the best interest of the parent and not of the child. These judges need discernment and wisdom.
There are many variables to each case. Even though there are rules and timetables set for all things, it doesn't mean they will be followed. Just know what I am saying may not happen with every situation.
Once a child is placed into foster care, there is a "14 day hearing". This hearing is to evaluate the reasons for removal, give a service plan to the parents to help them get their children back, and to set the next court date. Also, an attorney is appointed to the children. They are usually the "Guardian Ad Litem" or GAL as well. The bio parents are required to attend this hearing. If they do not, it gets rescheduled. I have seen the "14 day hearing" get postponed as many as 4 to 5 times. This only drags the case on for even longer. At this hearing, the bio parents can contest the removal if they believe it was wrongful. If they do, then another court date will be set for the reason for removal to be reviewed. At that time, CPS investigators and bio parents will give their testimony and any evidence. The judge will decide if CPS removed rightfully. If the judge agrees with CPS, the children will stay in foster care and the case will continue. If the judge disagrees with them, the children will be returned to the bio parents usually the same day.
Every 60 days, give or take, a "status hearing" is held to review how the parents are doing with their service plan and to see how the children are doing in their foster home. It is usually a very brief session before the judge. Less than 15 minutes.
Around the 4-6 month marker they have a "permanency conference". This conference is not before a judge, but it is very important! The permanency conference is a time for CPS, the GAL, the attorneys for the parents, the foster parents, and bio parents to sit down and discuss the future of the children. If the bio parents are doing their service plan and really trying, they might talk about when to return the children. If the bio parents are not doing anything, they might talk about the need to switch goals from reunification to termination. A few days (or weeks) after this conference, there is a "permanency hearing". This is before a judge. They then discuss with the judge what the findings were from the conference. Sometimes, goals are changed or revised at this time. Even if the goal is switched to termination, it can always be changed back to reunification at any time.
Let's say the case is dragging on. The children have been in foster care for almost a year. At this point, two things can happen. #1 CPS will ask for an extension of 6 months to help give bio parents time to complete their tasks. #2 CPS may start talking about terminating the parent's rights. Usually, #1 is what happens.
If they decide to go towards termination, they usually have a pre-trial to set a date for the final trial. In Texas, bio parents are allowed to request their termination trial to be heard and decided by a jury. If this happens, it can take a little while longer to get a court date. If the bio parents do not request a jury trial, the judge will make the final decision.
I have sat through two termination trials. They are heart wrenching and intense. Even though, in my case, I was wanting to adopt the child involved, it didn't make it any easier. It is so hard to listen to all the things done wrong. My heart broke because I saw the loss. And yet, my heart cheered because adoption was around the corner for me! So many emotions!!!! Lots of crying.
Just because a parent's rights are terminated doesn't mean the case is over. The bio parents have the right to appeal the courts decision. They have 30 days to appeal. If they do, it can take 6 months to a year to get a ruling from the appellate court. If the appellate court disagrees with the original courts decision, a retrial could be required. If the appellate court decides there were no errors and they uphold the lower courts ruling, then the bio parents have the ability to request that the case be reviewed by the Supreme Appellate Court of their state. Now, Supreme courts get to pick and choose which cases they hear. More than likely, their case will be denied. However, it does drag things out and prevents an adoption from happening.
This is where we are right now. Bios have until May 16 to submit their official paperwork to have the case reviewed by the Texas Supreme Appellate Court. Once it is submitted, we wait to see if the higher courts will deny it or not. The waiting is terrible. It is frustrating. We were seriously only 10 days away from being able to head to adoption when they decided to appeal further. I am hoping maybe before the end of the summer we will have an adoption. But who really knows at this point.
I have been told though that if the higher courts deny the review, the bio parents cannot appeal any more. I am hoping this is true.
I know this was more informative than it was personal. I am planning on writing some more heart felt posts soon. I just wanted people to understand the court system a little better. It is difficult and convoluted at times. Like I said earlier, this may be the pattern it is supposed to follow; but there are no guarantees. They could change how they do things at any given time.
Please pray for the judges. They are having to make life altering decisions based upon the information given them. Sometimes those court documents leave out important things. Sometimes the decisions are made in the best interest of the parent and not of the child. These judges need discernment and wisdom.
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