Where We Are Now and a New Name

I've done poorly this year in blogging. Life has been crazy. I feel like I can only focus on one day at a time.  If I try to think about everything that has to be done in a week's time, I get completely overwhelmed. In creating my mental list for the day, blogging doesn't make the cut.  I enjoy writing and sharing with you all. I simply haven't figured out how to make it part of normal life.

Little Man has been with us almost 15 months now. It is hard to remember life before him. He is such a wonderful toddler. He is 21 months old now. He has a massive vocabulary and speaks in sentences a lot. He knows his ABC's, can count to 10, and knows a few colors. We are just entering the testing of boundaries stage of life. For the most part, he takes verbal correction well. However, he does need some "time-in" to help him refocus and calm down at times. He adores my dad. He is always asking for "Paw-paw". Violet and Little Man get along like most toddler siblings. Which means, sometimes they play well and sometimes there are tears.

I had high hopes that he would be adopted by now. However, we are still in the waiting season. Back in August, we had a very important court date. The judge made a ruling that would help us proceed to adoption. However, it was appealed by the biological parents. We are currently waiting for the appeal process to run its course. The CPS caseworker and the GAL both think we have nothing to worry about. We are starting the adoption paperwork in hopes that when the appeal is done, we can quickly move to adoption. If all goes well, he should be forever in my family sometime in March.

Since we know adoption is going to happen, we've been given permission to call him by his new name. I am completely used to calling him by his new name, and frequently forget what is current name is. LOL People at church and a few family members are still making the adjustment.

I decided to give him a completely new name, like I did with Violet. I never really had many boy names that I loved because I honestly didn't think I would have any boys. One day, I remembered this one name that I had liked in the past. Bonus, it wasn't super common either. I looked up the meaning and knew it was for him. His new name will be.....

SETH AMOS.

Seth means "anointed one". I strongly believe that God has something special in store for my boy. I am claiming that he will walk in an anointing from God. Amos means "burden carrier". Amos was an Old Testament prophetic shepherd. I love that imagery! A man of God caring for people and speaking the truth!!!! Powerful!!!!! Also, Amos has sentimental value. My belated paternal grandpa's middle name was Amos. It blessed my dad's heart when I told him that I wanted to use Amos as the middle name. I love his new name! If you happen to see us, feel free to call him Seth. That is what he answers to the most now.

I am hoping after the New Year, we will have more of an idea of when the adoption should take place. I will keep you posted. In the mean time, if you think about it, pray for us. Pray for wisdom for me to be a good mom to two busy toddlers. Pray that the decision makers will do what is best for Little Man. Pray that I will have peace while we wait.

Visit Days

I haven't written in a long time. Mainly because I'm not certain people want to read what I write. Also, this child's situation is so close to my heart... it is hard to share about it. But I thought I would let you in on something that is difficult for me every week....

Visit Days...

One day a week CPS has a scheduled time for Little Man to visit with his biological parents. The hard part is we never know if they are really going to show or not. They have been inconsistent. The caseworker has tried to put up safeguards to keep Little Man from being picked up needlessly. It has helped. However, every week, I wonder will this be the day they show? Will it be cancelled again? If they do show, how will Little Man respond? Will it upset him or will he be happy? Will he get his nap in?  Will he be fed?

When I know for sure that Little Man will see his biological family, I have a hard time focusing on anything else. My heart, mind, and prayers are all tangled together and focused on him. Knowing he is away from his safe and secure daycare and away from me, leaves me feeling vulnerable and exposed. It is as if my heart is walking around outside of my body. I can't really think about anything else until I know he is back at daycare. Then on those nights, I make sure he gets extra hugs and snuggles from me. I want him to know he is safe.

It is very confusing to children, especially those under 2. They don't understand what is going on at all. They aren't able to cognitively explain what they are feeling. Usually on the nights where he has seen his bio family earlier in the day, he is more clingy and fussy. He doesn't fall asleep quickly. So I hold him longer. I rock him until he falls asleep. I whisper how much he is loved into his ears. I pray that his heart will experience healing. I want him to feel secure with me.

He is a precious little guy. I want the best for him. I want to see him grow up to be a man of God who is a light in this dark world. I want his heart to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. I want him to use his strength to help those who are weak. I believe that God has a calling on his life. I want to see that fulfilled. But not my will... May God's will be done.

Little Man

I haven't blogged in ages, mainly because I've been so busy. Life with two little ones keeps me on my toes and my house a mess. lol 

Little Man has been in my care 6 months now. In some ways, it seems like he just arrived. In other ways, it feels like he has been with us forever. I can't imagine life without him. He brings me great joy. Violet loves him dearly. Every morning when she wakes up, she asks about him. Before she goes to sleep at night, she wants to know where he is. She freely and willingly will go up to him and give him hugs and kisses. She tells him that she loves him. It is the most precious thing to see!! Of course, because she is two, she has her moments where she will tell him to go away or take a toy out of his hands. Even in these incidents, I see a relationship blooming. 

There are many aspects of Little Man's situation that I don't feel like I can share yet with the general population. Hopefully, soon I will be able to. I can say this, God has been with us every step of the way. When he came into care, I prayed that God would go before us and prepare the way. I feel like we have experienced grace and favor with the case worker and GAL. God told me in January not to worry about the outcome. He gave me the verse Exodus 14:14, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." I have a tendency to want to fight and wrestle with God and the system. I want to control things. I can't though. There is nothing about the foster care system that I can control. I have to choose to trust God and let Him do His thing. I have been learning what it means to "be still". For me, it means not allowing my mind to worry about all the issues with the case. When I do begin to worry, I make myself stop and pray. I ask God to replace the worry with His peace. I begin to thank God for what He has done. It is slowly changing my perspective. I am letting the Lord fight for us. 

We had court yesterday. It was a permanency hearing. This is where they discuss what the bio parents have done thus far and what they think would be best for the child in the future. The judge agreed with CPS to make some big goal changes. These decisions are for the good, I believe. We still have a long road ahead of us. However, I know God is in this. He is with us. He is fighting our battles for us. He loves Little Man more than I can ever imagine. He will protect him. Before court, I was praying and asking for favor with the judge. We found out several hours before our hearing that we were changing to a different judge. Now, I'm not sure if this is normal for this kind of thing to happen in this county or not. All I know is that shortly after I heard that, I felt like it was a God thing. After the results of the permanency hearing, I believe it was God. 

The next 5 months will be very interesting. I'm not sure what exactly will happen or how the bio parents will respond to what the judge said. But none of that is in my control. I don't need to worry about it. God is going before us and preparing the way. He will take care of my little family. I'm incredibly thankful that God brought Little Man into my life.

Little Man just turned 1 year old! He is beginning to love table food. He isn't fully walking yet. However, it won't be long. He has taken 2-3 steps at a time. He loves anything that makes music. It is so cute to watch him dance to the beat. He has 7 teeth now, with more coming soon. He thinks it is funny to copy Violet when she is being silly and making noises. He has also started following her around when they play. Super cute! He really is a good baby and pretty chill. 

Keep praying for the case and for the decision makers. Pray that I will continue to rest in Him and let Him fight for us.