Precious Moments

A couple of nights ago, I was sharing with a friend some stories about my girls.  I ended up in tears. She ended up in tears.  It made me wish I could share the preciousness of their stories with all of you.  However, I'm just not sure how much I can say.  So many things aren't allowed to be shared.  I guess I will share little snippets; and if I find out those things are off limits, I will delete this post.

When they first came to me, I gave the oldest the option to call me Miss Sheryl or Mom.  She chose to call me Miss Sheryl.  Actually, the first week I believe she called me "Hey you".  LOL  In that first month with me though, she went from calling me "Hey you" to "Miss Sheryl" to "Mom" all on her own.  I remember the week she slowly started calling me "Mom".  It melted my heart.  I told her that I loved hearing her call me that.  It was a sign that she was slowly beginning to trust me.

The youngest called me "Mom" from the first night.  She was so little and mom was the easiest thing to say.  As time went on, she would look at me, put her hand on my face and say "my mommy".  Tears came to my eyes the first time she said those words.  After that, it kind of became a game.  She would say "my mommy" and I would say "my Z".  I treasured those moments.  Every morning she would greet me with a huge grin and a hug.  Must say, since I had to wake up early, that was the best way to make the morning better.  Every evening when I picked her up from daycare, she would race to the doorway and leap into my arms.

They had a special way of slowly opening up to me and wiggling into my heart.  It was the little things like when they would want to snuggle next to me while watching a movie or wanting me to put my arm around them during story time that showed me they were allowing themselves to receive my love.

When the oldest would get grumpy, I would ask her if her Love Bucket was almost empty.  I would scoop her up and give her a big hug and lots of kisses.  Her Love Bucket emptied quickly so it took a lot of quality time and hugs to fill it back up.  But it was so worth it.  The first time she told me she loved me, I cried.  I knew it was genuine.  It came without prompting and totally of her own free will.

I'll never forget the night when I knew she was beginning to understand all of our conversations about God.  It was a Sunday night, and she was supposed to be going to sleep.  All of a sudden, I heard a little girl saying oh so loudly "God is always with me!".  She kept repeating it over and over and over.  I loved it!  The only down side was that it was bed time and she was keeping her sister up.  But I knew, I knew that she was getting it.  She was starting to comprehend that there was a God who loves her very much and He is always with her.

The youngest was my little cuddle buddy.  She wanted to be held all the time.  She sat on my left hip so much that my lower back will probably never be the same.  At bed time, I would give her a hug and a kiss goodnight.  She would lay her head on my shoulder and ask to be held or rocked to sleep.  She never wanted me to let her go.

Oh how I love them!  These are just a few of the highlights.  The good memories I never want to forget.  The moments I hope they will never forget.  I hope the seeds of God's love will be deep in their hearts.  More than anything, I want them to know God and I want them to know they are loved.

Thankful

In the beginning stages of getting licensed to become a foster parent, we are told the importance of having a solid support system.  It is true.  Just knowing that people were cheering me on helped me so much.  I'm thankful for the cheering squad.  I'm thankful for the friends and family who supported me on this crazy endeavor.  I've often questioned my own sanity in doing this.  Yet, those who love me have only encouraged me to not stop, to keep pressing forward.  That being said, I wanted to personally and publicly thank certain people. 

My parents - Thank you for allowing me to bring my children to work many, many times.  Thank you for taking them in and loving them as your own grandchildren.  This blessed my heart more than you may ever know.  I know my girls loved their "Papa" and "Ganma". 

Amy - Thank you for having your kids be friends to my kids.  It helped my girls so much in learning how to interact properly with other children.  Thank you for being part of my cheering section. 

Amanda - Thank you for being a wonderful babysitter to my girls!  They loved you so much!  The day they left, B asked if you were still going to be their babysitter. 

My sisters Fawn and Tabitha - Tabitha, thanks for helping with the crib situation a few times and for babysitting.  Fawn, thank you for helping me pack up that day.  I couldn't have done it without you.  Thank you for loving on the girls whenever you were around them.  

Sara E - Thank you for letting me bomb-bard you with text messages.  Thank you for encouraging me during the really rough patches.  You have no idea how much it helped just knowing that you have been there and totally understand from where I am coming.  Thank you for your support.

The Oaks - Thank you for believing in meeting the needs of the modern day orphans of this world.  Thank you for hosting events for parents to get away for a few hours.

Elizabeth B - Thank you for being my best friend and for being a listening ear when I was super frustrated and ready to give up. 

Tammy - Thank you for all your prayers and words of encouragement.

Elizabeth G - Thank you for throwing me a beautiful shower when my girls first arrived.  It blessed me beyond words. 

There are many, many more people who have spoken into my life at just the right moment or who have prayed for me along the way.  Please don't be offended if I didn't mention you by name.  You know who you are, and you hold a special place in my heart. 

Thank you friends and family for your love, support, and prayers.  Thank you for loving on my girls, for showing them how precious they are.  Thank you to all the teachers at church and at daycare who spoke into their lives, who showed them Jesus. 

I know there will be more children in my future.  I know that they will be loved just as much as my first girls.  Keep praying for me and for my girls who have gone home. 

Two Phone Calls

It is amazing how something as simple as a phone call can change your life.  I've had two of those this year. April 20, 2012 was the first one.  That was the day I was told about the opportunity to open my home to two little girls. After a little bit of contemplation and a couple of phone calls, I said yes.  I was super nervous and excited.  I had no idea what to expect. Honestly, you don't know what to expect.  You never know if you are going to get the child who will adjust quickly and love you or the child who will swear at you and kick you.  The girls arrived a few hours after I told the agency yes.  My life forever changed.

Those girls stole my heart the first night.  It wasn't hard to love them.  Yes, we had many a difficult and trying day.  However, those rough times never diminished my love for them.  Never caused me to wonder if I should keep loving them.  I knew they needed all the love they could get.  I love them from the very bottom of my heart.  I love them like they are my own daughters because that is what they are.  My daughters.  My little girls.  They called me "Mommy" and I called them "Baby".  It wasn't a perfect scene with roses and rainbows.  It was more of a thunderstorm with the occasional break in the clouds and the reminder that rainbows and sunshine do exist.

From day one, I was told that the goal was to reunite the girls to their family.  I knew my time with them was limited.  I just never knew how long or short my time with them would be.  A few weeks?  A couple of months?

Then October 5, 2012 I received the second phone call that would rock my world.  On this day, something called a Permanency Hearing was being held to determine whether or not a specific family member was ready to receive the girls or if more time was needed.  Up to this point, the girl's case worker strongly believed they would be going home soon.  It was a matter of whether it would be a few days or a few weeks.  I had been reassured though that even if the Judge said the girls could go home, it would still take a few days to process.  I would have time to get them ready and time to prepare myself.  Well, let's just say it didn't go that way at all.  The phone call came around 12:15 PM.  I was on my lunch break.  The case worker called to inform me that the Judge had granted a specific family member the right to take the girls.  I wasn't overly surprised by this news.  I of course asked the next logical question.  When are they going home?  How much time do I have left?  She said this person would be at my house by 3 PM to pick up the girls.  Shock doesn't even begin to express how I was feeling about this situation.  And needless to say, ugly crying began with those words and didn't end for a while.

My heart was ripped out of my chest with that phone call.  I wasn't ready to say goodbye.  I hadn't packed up the girl's things yet.  I hadn't finished their laundry.  (is laundry ever finished with children?)  The next few hours went by way too quickly.  I didn't really get a chance to say goodbye and give them each one last hug. It happened too fast.

I had those girls 15 days shy of 6 months.  I poured my heart and soul into them.  Now, they are gone.  Somehow, I'm supposed to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and do this all over again.  I'm not really sure how honestly.  I don't know how people are foster parents for 20 years and see 100 kids go in and out of their homes.  How does one not die a thousand deaths with each child's departure?

Those two phone calls will forever shape the rest of my life.  They are moments in my history that won't easily be forgotten.

I have so much more I want to write about my time with my beautiful daughters.  I need to share it, I believe, as part of my healing process.  Many of you got to meet them.  For those of you who didn't, I want to share what I can with you.  They really are quite amazing.  Oh, how I love them so.