Bonding

I've always been good with children.  I started babysitting at 13.  I worked in the church nursery as a teenager.  All the kids I took care of loved me.  It wasn't hard to love them, and they all loved having me be their babysitter.  I didn't think getting children to bond with me would be difficult.

Enter foster children.

Bonding is now work.  It takes effort.  Letting them know they are loved and safe is a daily task.  Due to their situations and circumstances, they don't naturally trust right away.  I get that.  I've been hurt in life too.  Trusting isn't easy at all for me.  I don't have a plethora of friends because I too have issues allowing people into my life.  I get it.

Knowing this causes me to work harder to show them love and safety.  Hugs and kisses are given freely.  Books are read while they are sitting on my lap, not beside me.  Every once in a while, something happens and you know they are beginning to receive that love.  I had such an event just recently.

I arrived at daycare to pick up my little ones.  My 16 month old baby saw me at the door. She RAN across the room smiling and laughing.  She practically fell into the baby gate trying to get to me.  I picked her up and   she laughed her precious laugh.  It made me so happy!  She was showing me in her own little way that she was happy to see me, that she knew love.  I almost cried tears of joy.

When my 2 1/2 year old asks to stay home from daycare not because she is sick but because she wants to be with me, I know she is learning that I love her.  We have conversations almost daily about how much I love her and how smart/precious/beautiful she is.  I can tell those words are sinking into her soul.  She sings songs about Jesus' love because I tell her constantly that He loves her.  She is learning the truth of His love as well.

I want them to feel wanted... to borrow a line from a song.  I think they are slowly getting the fact that they are wanted and loved.  It makes my heart melt.

Progress???

One of the hardest parts about being a foster parent is wondering if you are making any progress with the child/children.  You have to deal with so many emotional and physical issues constantly.  It is hard to tell if they are improving or if they are exactly where they were when they first arrived. My girls have been with me for two months now.  At this point, I'm hoping we are moving away from certain issues that we had the first few weeks.  Things seem to be getting better. Or so I think.  Then we have nights like tonight.  First week issues came up.  I don't know what to make of it.  5 steps forward 4 steps back.  At least we have one step going forward still, right?

I have to remind myself that I'm so close to the situation that I can't always see the progress that is being made.  Maybe we are only 3 steps back.  But when things like tonight happen, it makes me wonder what is going on in their little minds?  What thoughts are being processed or emotions being triggered that are taking them backwards?  How can I help meet those emotional needs?  All I can do is pray for wisdom.

I love these beautiful little girls so much.  I want to help them grow in every aspect of their lives.  I must remember this road is long and requires much patience.  Progress isn't made quickly.  It is made in little baby steps, even smaller than the ones my tiniest one makes.

Accepting Help

Some how, over the last several years, I've become quite independent.  I don't always like it.  I would rather have help.  Or so I think.  When help is offered, it is hard for me to accept it.  Part of me wants to be able to do everything all by myself.  I'm an adult.  I have a job.  I have a wonderful house.  I have two beautiful little girls.  Shouldn't I be able to keep up with all the day to day demands without help?  People have been doing these things for years by themselves.  I'm not the first single parent.  :) 

Last night, I went out to dinner with a sweet friend and her husband.  I met her back in 2004 while volunteering in Thailand at an orphanage.  She is a dear, sweet lady.  She is quite precious really.  Anyway, I was able to tell them about being a foster parent.  I shared some of the ups and downs.  I became quite passionate while talking about being  foster parent.  I really do love being able to help children.  I digress.  Today, they went to church with me and then had lunch at my house with me and the girls.  It was fun.  They were great with the girls, and my girls loved them.  What happened after lunch though is what really moved me.  It started out with them just helping clean up after lunch.  Next thing I know, they were helping clean my house!  I was surprised.  It was an unexpected blessing.  I almost cried.  I know I've not been the best house  keeper since the girls came.  I have more paper clutter than ever before.  I'm not exactly proud of the state of things around the house.  I'm just so busy trying to keep up with the girls that cleaning and organizing hasn't been top priority.  

I didn't ask for help.  They just pitched in because they care about me.  As her husband put it, "We aren't doing this because you are messy.  We are doing this because we can't do what you are doing, but we can help out in this little way."  I almost cried again.  It is harder than it should be for me to accept help.  

Why do we all feel this need to do things on our own?  Why is it so hard and humbling to accept help?  We were never meant to do this life on our own.  God made us to live in community, to have a support system.  We all have different abilities and callings.  As the body of Christ, we are to come together and aide each other in fulfilling these callings.  

I can't be a foster mom on my own.  I want to think that I can.  But I can't plain and simple.  I need to allow myself to accept help whenever it is offered.  It may be humbling, but pride needs to be done away with anyway.  :)