Seth's Adoption

Seth's adoption was finalized August 30, 2018. Somehow, I'm just now getting around to writing about it. Even now as I'm typing this, I feel my body tensing up. Tears prick my eyes.

The week leading up to his adoption was STRESSFUL!!! I was not confident it would happen. We had an adoption date set, but we were still waiting for the court issued mandate stating that they were upholding the termination of parent's rights. It was finally issued on the 21st of August. We were holding off on signing adoption paperwork until we were close to the adoption date. In Texas, once you sign adoption papers moving the child from a foster placement to an adoptive placement, all foster subsidies stop. Our CPS case worker was scheduled to come to my home, along with my agency case manager, the Friday before our adoption to sign the papers. I had reached out to him the day before to confirm the time he was coming. I didn't get a response. Then later that day, I got a call from someone who was not even remotely connected to our case saying they were replacing him and finalizing everything. This was incredibly frustrating to me. Here we were days away from adoption and our main case worker was MIA. On top of that, he was supposed to fill out a specific document giving us information about the health and genealogy of the biological family. He didn't do it. So when the new lady came on the scene, she didn't have time to gather all that information. It was mainly blank. I was extremely frustrated because I KNEW he had those details. I was upset that this was creating more holes in my child's story.

I was so tense. I was truly uncertain that adoption was actually going to happen. The day before we were supposed to go to court for the finalization, I turned my neck wrong. All of a sudden it locked up. I was in crazy pain. I had a disc in my neck shift. I could only turn my head to the right but not to the left. My muscles in my shoulders and back were stiff. The fear of losing him was so real that my body was absorbing it.

Finally, the morning of his adoption came. We arrived at the courthouse with my parents. A sweet friend from church was taking pictures for me to document the day. I had butterflies in my stomach. Friends began to arrive. Although I was in severe pain, my heart was rejoicing that this day had finally come!

Seth wasn't quite sure what was going on. We had talked about it many times. He kept asking where the judge was. When we finally were called to go before the judge, I felt relief. When our attorney asked me his questions, my voice began to crack as tears came down my cheeks. It was really happening! The most precious boy in the whole world was going to be my son FOREVER!!! 

After we were finished, we were taking pictures before the judge. Seth spontaneously gave me a great big hug, grinning from ear to ear. It was like he knew I wasn't going anywhere. My friend captured that moment. I will treasure that picture forever!

A few hours after the adoption, I found myself at the chiropractor. It was a painful adjustment, as I had two discs locked together. My chiropractor said this shift of discs usually happens when under extreme stress. Yup! That is about right.

My son was in foster care for 23 months. It felt like an eternity. I am blessed to be his mom. He amazes me daily. I am thankful that we are a forever family. We talk about adoption and what that means. He knows he is adopted. The other day I asked him what he thought about being adopted. He replied, "It's awesome." I think so too. :)

Baby Steps

I haven't written in ages. I have thought about it heaps of times. The main reason keeping me from writing is fear. Fear that what I have to say doesn't matter. Fear that what I write won't make a difference. Fear that I will look silly. Fear that my voice will be silenced by the deafening noise of the world around me. But I have decided to start writing again anyway. Even if no one reads it. Because maybe, the process of writing is more for me. If I somehow process life better because I wrote it down, then it was worth the effort.

I've been thinking about baby steps in regards to life lately. Honestly, baby steps frustrate me. I want to get to the point as quickly as possible. None of this A-Z business. Let's get to Z already. Life doesn't work that way. It is messy and complicated. I have dreams and desires that I want to see fulfilled. They seem almost unattainable. Even if I do start out and take that baby step, will it even go anywhere? That is the thing though. If you don't take that first step, you will for sure go nowhere.

This last year I took baby steps in regards to my health and weight. Hormone issues and stress have taken a toll on my body. I even gave up on ever being a healthy size a couple of years ago. But I have two kids who are super active. I need to keep up with them. So I took a baby step a year ago today to better my health. It has been a hard road. I am finally seeing the fruit of my efforts. I'm down two pant sizes and 40 pounds. I have a long road to go still. I wouldn't be were I am today if I hadn't made that first baby step. I'm glad I did. Seeing the results has given me the courage to continue on this journey.

It has also given me courage to take steps in other areas of my life. Writing this blog is part of it. I need to take baby steps again in my writing. Get those creative juices flowing again. I know where I want this writing to take me. I can't get there without taking some tiny steps in the right direction. This won't be a weight loss or fitness blog. Though my journey may come up along the way. I still have a lot I want to share about fostering and adopting, specifically for the single lady. I'm not sure where this blog will take me. I hope you will decide to come along with me on this writing journey. I have a lot on my heart that I want to share.