A year ago when I took the phone call from my agency asking me if I would take a 14 month old and 2 1/2 year old little girls, I had no idea they would be with me so long.  I didn't know they would leave and come back 10 weeks later.  If you take out that 10 week period, they have basically been with me for a year.  I was so scared to say yes that day.  God told me in that moment not to say "NO" because I would be doing so out of fear.  Little did I know what He had in store for me.  I can't imagine my life without these little girls. Now they are 2 years and 3 1/2 years old.  They are so big compared to a year ago!

Having them back these last 4 weeks has been an interesting time.  We have settled back into a routine that is familiar and works for us.  They are back in their daycare with their friends.  I'm back to trying to figure out how to work, take care of a house, pay bills, keep kids alive, help them grow, keep my sanity, maintain friendships, grow in my walk with God, become a better mother, keep the peace in the house, enforce all the rules and consequences, etc. all by myself.  It is overwhelming, not gonna lie.

The hardest part of the last few weeks has been trying to help my oldest heal and process from the transition of leaving me, being at home, leaving there, and coming back to me.  It has been very hard on her.  As an adult, I know I have a hard time processing emotions and not allowing my emotions dictate how I respond to situations.  If it is this hard for me, I know it is a million times harder for a little 3 year old girl.  Between my wonderful agency and myself, we are working on finding ways to help her process all of this in a healthy manner.  Prayers would be appreciated.

Even though we have had several rough patches, I LOVE being their mom.  They love being with me.  Their hearts are more open to Jesus.  I LOVE that too!  It has been fun seeing my oldest get glimpses of Who God is.  Child like faith is a beautiful thing.  I can learn a thing or two from her.  :)

The baby isn't so much of a baby any more.  At 2  years of age, she is becoming very independent and strong willed.  However, there is still the gentle baby-like side to her that makes everyone melt.  :)  I'm pretty sure she is the teacher's favorite in her class at daycare.  Shhh... you didn't hear that from me.

I feel like I'm still learning about them.  I know they weren't gone for long, but they changed so much during that time period.  It seems like I have some catching up to do at times.

Well, I should probably keep this short.  I'm about to fall asleep as I type.  You never know when a toddler might wake up.  I need some sleep.  :)

As a reminder, it is National Adoption Awareness Month.  Go find out how you can serve the fatherless.

Good news/Bad news

In honor of Orphan Sunday, here is an update.

As many of you know, I opened my home up to two girls on October 18.  What many of you don't know is that these girls are not strangers to my home.  My girls had gone home August 6, but things didn't go well.  I was asked if I would take them back, and I didn't hesitate in saying yes.  I was beyond excited to see my girls again!!  It took a few days for it to sink in that they were back!  I never expected to see them again.  The fact that my home had no other children was huge.  I could have had a baby and not been able to take them back.  Even though their returning is not under the best of circumstances, I sense God's hand on the situation.  I strongly believe that they are with me for a reason.  There in lies the good news/bad news.  It is great to have them back!  But this means more emotional trauma for my girls.  

I'm not going to lie.  Having them here has made me think about the "a" word... adoption.  If the opportunity was presented, would I adopt them?  Am I capable of taking care of two children by myself?  Oh, wait!  I already am.  lol  Can I afford two children?  What about school?  Do I want to do private or public?  Next thing you know, I'm thinking 10 years down the road.  Crazy female brain of mine.  I take anything and run so far ahead.  Then I discovered that I don't need to make a decision right now.  No one is asking me to.  Let's just say I lost a lot of sleep trying to answer those questions.  Many hours of prayer was going into this thought process only to realize that I don't need to figure it out right now.  

Foster care is all about reconciliation.  Even if or when CPS decides that termination is best, the judge or jury, as the case may be, might decide that the family should have another chance.  It is hard as a foster parent to see so many kids hurting.  Going back and forth between biological family and foster families is nothing short of stressful and damaging to these little ones.  That is why it is so important to be available for those kids that bounce in and out of the system.  I was so glad to take my girls again. There was no way I was going to let them go to another family who would be perfect strangers.  

The last two weeks have been partly as if they have never left and partly oh my goodness.  We could definitely use some prayers.  

I'm incredibly thankful that there are churches all over the world acknowledging the need for families for the family-less children.  As my pastor stated today, it isn't the kid's fault they aren't in a family.  It is the lack of open homes.  What if all the churches had families who opened their doors to the fatherless?  What would our society look like 20 years from now?  Did you know that how large the jails will need to be in the future are based upon how many kids are in the foster system now?  What part can you play in changing this?  Can you be a family to one of the 500,000 children in the US who are in need of a home?  James 1:27 my friends.  It is not an option to take care of the widows and orphans.  It is a command.  May I urge you, my friends, to pray what role you should play.