I thought I would try to answer some of the most asked questions that I get as a foster parent. I don't mind the questions. I enjoy educating people on the process and the why of things. I asked many questions myself before getting here. :) Here we go in no particular order....
How long will you have them?
I don't know. I will never know the answer to that one, unless they are becoming my forever child. Since the whole point of foster care is reunification, they will be with me until the family has done all that is required of them. I could have them as little as a month or as long as 18 months.
Why are they in foster care?
I can't really answer that question. My children's past is private. There are a plethora of reasons for a child to be removed from their home. My kids are with me for one of those reasons.
What do they call you? or Why do they call you Mommy?
They call me Mom. Most children in the foster system will call their foster parents mom and dad. Occasionally, they might call them by their first names but that isn't the norm. Calling us mom and dad encourages a family feel. These children need to know that they are a part of a family and the adults in charge are their "for now" parents. It is also the easiest thing for little tykes to say. It also creates a united front. It doesn't separate the bio children from the foster children. No one is different from the other. No one is different or sticks out because they are calling you "Ms So and So" and the others are saying mom. They are all family. Honestly, my children (and I have little ones) have no problems distinguishing between their bio mom and me. We have conversations daily about their bio family. There is no confusion for them.
Won't it be hard on you when they leave?
YES! I will cry my eyes out. I will become a hermit for a few days. I will eat ice cream. I will cry. I will mourn the loss of them. However, it isn't about me. It is about them and doing what is best for them. So if going back to their bio family is the best, then great. I will give myself time to heal and figure out where to go from there.
So since you are a foster parent and your single, do you even want to get married? (You would be surprised how many time I have been asked this.)
Yes! :) In fact, I'm open to set ups. ;)
I hope this helps answer some of your questions. If you have more feel free to ask.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
Limitations
Limits. We all have them. There are things we are capable of doing and things that we aren't. For instance, don't ask me to change a tire, cut down a tree, build anything, make a creative craft project, or draw you a picture. I know I can't do those things, and I'm ok with that. :) I know my limits. I would never try to replace the sink and faucet in my kitchen. I leave that to the professionals, for the safety of my house. :)
However, for some reason, I have a hard time acknowledging my limitations as a mother. I put ridiculously high expectations on myself. I was requiring more of myself than I would have of any other person in my position. The house must be kept clean, dishes done, laundry done, work 40 hours, take care of the children by myself, do the shopping, keep up with the maintenance on the house and the car, maintain friendships, go to church, and sleep. Why would I expect all of that of myself? I was though. And more. It took a lot for me to realize that hiring someone to help with the cleaning was good and in my best interest. So I did. And boy am I happy to have a clean house!
There are other limits, though, that I'm struggling with. The amount of work that it takes to be a single mom of two foster children is mind boggling at times. I'm constantly overwhelmed and exhausted. This last weekend was my birthday. I took a few days off and left my girls with a wonderful respite family. The time off reminded me how great it is to have FREEDOM. I could go anywhere, do anything; and I didn't have to worry about diaper bags, snack time, nap time, runny noses. It was wonderful. Then the guilt hit me. I began to feel guilty for enjoying that freedom, that time away from my girls. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE my girls to pieces!!! They are precious to me. But this weekend away made me wonder if maybe I'm not cut out to be a single mom. Maybe, just maybe I'm not as good of a mom as I think I am. Maybe, these girls would be better off with a married couple instead of a single mom. Doubt at my abilities and my strengths were at an all time high. All I could see were my limitations, my short comings.
Then this evening, I went to pick up my beautiful babies. The mom was telling me how wonderful they did while I was gone. Shoot, they even slept for her! A little bit more doubt began to sink in. But then she said something that brought tears to my eyes. She said I must be an amazing mom because these girls are so great, you would never be able to tell the background from which they came. It made me realize that I am doing more right than I think. I needed to hear that.
I'm still considering my limitations as a single mom. I'm trying to figure out what my next step will be after my current babies go home. Do I want to take in 2 children at a time? Do I want to switch to 1? Do I want to do just respite care? Or do I want to put it all on hold until I am married? I need to be honest with myself and my limits. Just because I don't feel capable to do it all, doesn't mean I'm a failure. It means I'm being realistic with what my capabilities truly are. I have a lot to pray about over the next few months.
However, for some reason, I have a hard time acknowledging my limitations as a mother. I put ridiculously high expectations on myself. I was requiring more of myself than I would have of any other person in my position. The house must be kept clean, dishes done, laundry done, work 40 hours, take care of the children by myself, do the shopping, keep up with the maintenance on the house and the car, maintain friendships, go to church, and sleep. Why would I expect all of that of myself? I was though. And more. It took a lot for me to realize that hiring someone to help with the cleaning was good and in my best interest. So I did. And boy am I happy to have a clean house!
There are other limits, though, that I'm struggling with. The amount of work that it takes to be a single mom of two foster children is mind boggling at times. I'm constantly overwhelmed and exhausted. This last weekend was my birthday. I took a few days off and left my girls with a wonderful respite family. The time off reminded me how great it is to have FREEDOM. I could go anywhere, do anything; and I didn't have to worry about diaper bags, snack time, nap time, runny noses. It was wonderful. Then the guilt hit me. I began to feel guilty for enjoying that freedom, that time away from my girls. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE my girls to pieces!!! They are precious to me. But this weekend away made me wonder if maybe I'm not cut out to be a single mom. Maybe, just maybe I'm not as good of a mom as I think I am. Maybe, these girls would be better off with a married couple instead of a single mom. Doubt at my abilities and my strengths were at an all time high. All I could see were my limitations, my short comings.
Then this evening, I went to pick up my beautiful babies. The mom was telling me how wonderful they did while I was gone. Shoot, they even slept for her! A little bit more doubt began to sink in. But then she said something that brought tears to my eyes. She said I must be an amazing mom because these girls are so great, you would never be able to tell the background from which they came. It made me realize that I am doing more right than I think. I needed to hear that.
I'm still considering my limitations as a single mom. I'm trying to figure out what my next step will be after my current babies go home. Do I want to take in 2 children at a time? Do I want to switch to 1? Do I want to do just respite care? Or do I want to put it all on hold until I am married? I need to be honest with myself and my limits. Just because I don't feel capable to do it all, doesn't mean I'm a failure. It means I'm being realistic with what my capabilities truly are. I have a lot to pray about over the next few months.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Forever Family
One of my friends adopted three beautiful children into their family today. Those children now have a forever family. My goal is to one day follow in their footsteps and adopt as well. I'm currently licensed for foster to adopt. As much as I love my girls, I know they won't be with me forever. I'm their for now mom, not forever mom.
Even though my heart is full of joy for my friends and their new additions, there is part of me that has a bit of sadness. The reason for the sadness is because I know the process that has to happen for children to be in the place to need a forever home. Then I think about how many other children are out there in need of forever families all over the world. It is an overwhelming thought that brings me to tears. Too many children have been neglected, abused, and traumatized by events they never should have seen or experienced.
I'm thankful for the many friends that I have who have opened their hearts and homes to children who need love. I'm thankful that the Church is finally starting to wake up and see the need that has been staring them in the face for ages. I'm thankful that more and more people are seeing the value in adding to their family via adoption.
I think people forget how powerful adoption is. Legally, an adopted child has all the same rights and privileges as a bio child. In many cases, adoption is stronger than blood. On top of that, we as Christians are adopted as well. We are adopted into a family that was not our own. I think God used adoption on purpose. I think He wanted us to see the power of adoption, to see how lives are changed when we are brought into our FOREVER HOME. On top of that, Jesus was not raised by His Father. He had a foster family, if you will. Joseph and Mary were His "for now" parents. God was His Forever Father, not Joseph. However, I don't doubt for a minute that Joseph loved Jesus as his own son.
I know I want my children to feel loved by me. I don't want them to ever think that I would love them more if they were going to be my forever children. More than that, I want to keep my eyes on the forever that is most important. Eternity with Jesus. My heart cries for their salvation. The desire to be their forever mom is strong. The desire for them to have a FOREVER HOME with Jesus is even stronger.
Even though my heart is full of joy for my friends and their new additions, there is part of me that has a bit of sadness. The reason for the sadness is because I know the process that has to happen for children to be in the place to need a forever home. Then I think about how many other children are out there in need of forever families all over the world. It is an overwhelming thought that brings me to tears. Too many children have been neglected, abused, and traumatized by events they never should have seen or experienced.
I'm thankful for the many friends that I have who have opened their hearts and homes to children who need love. I'm thankful that the Church is finally starting to wake up and see the need that has been staring them in the face for ages. I'm thankful that more and more people are seeing the value in adding to their family via adoption.
I think people forget how powerful adoption is. Legally, an adopted child has all the same rights and privileges as a bio child. In many cases, adoption is stronger than blood. On top of that, we as Christians are adopted as well. We are adopted into a family that was not our own. I think God used adoption on purpose. I think He wanted us to see the power of adoption, to see how lives are changed when we are brought into our FOREVER HOME. On top of that, Jesus was not raised by His Father. He had a foster family, if you will. Joseph and Mary were His "for now" parents. God was His Forever Father, not Joseph. However, I don't doubt for a minute that Joseph loved Jesus as his own son.
I know I want my children to feel loved by me. I don't want them to ever think that I would love them more if they were going to be my forever children. More than that, I want to keep my eyes on the forever that is most important. Eternity with Jesus. My heart cries for their salvation. The desire to be their forever mom is strong. The desire for them to have a FOREVER HOME with Jesus is even stronger.
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