I've been wanting to blog for a while now. Not having Internet at my house makes it very difficult to keep up with my blogging. I'm hoping to still tell you all about the amazing trip to China that I took earlier this year. However, today is not the day for that.
As many of you know I became a licensed foster parent back in December. In April, I received my first placement. I have two children with me currently. I knew being a single mom would be difficult. I just didn't realize how difficult it would be to be a single mom to foster kids. (Yes, there truly is a difference between children raised in a "normal" home and those in the foster care system. I didn't fully believe it myself until I became a foster mom.)
I have learned and am learning a lot about myself in this process. What I'm seeing isn't very pretty. I get frustrated way more easily than I would like. (sleep deprivation doesn't help) I find myself not being as consistent as I know I should be. Sometimes, quite honestly, I just want to scream. More often than not, I feel like the worst mom in the world.
However, I know I must be doing something right. They are learning about God and His never ending love. They are learning to pray. (It really is quite adorable to hear kids praying.) They are learning to apologize and to use their manners. I just keep hoping all the good they are learning out weighs any negatives.
My kids are tiny. There is a good chance they will never remember me. Memories fade quickly you know. It makes me want to cry to think that in just a year or so, I won't even be in their mind any more. I'm hoping that what will remain are all the positive lessons on Jesus and how to life well with others.
Even though the last 3 months have felt like forever, it is but a small segment of time that I have been blessed to be their "Mommy". I love them so dearly. I hope and pray that the seeds of Truth will take root deep in their hearts. That one day, these children will grow up to be passionate about Jesus. More than anything, I want to see them in Heaven!!!!!! I pray fervently for their salvation.
In Scripture there is a verse that says, in my paraphrase, how will they know (about Jesus) unless we tell them? Yes, I'm all for missions overseas! I love it! There is a huge mission field right here too, though, in the foster care system. Do you know how many of these children have never been to church? How many only know of Jesus as a swear word? How awful is that? Why aren't more Christian families opening their homes to be a light to these children who so desperately need it??? Yes, it will be the MOST DIFFICULT thing you will ever do. However, as I keep reminding myself, IT ISN'T ABOUT ME!!!! It is about the souls of these children who need the love a family and the love of Jesus.
I will never be a perfect mom. I must not let my imperfections keep me from doing the will of the Father. There are too many children to love to allow myself to be my own hindrance in fulfilling my part of the Great Commission right here.
If you think about it, pray for me. Pray that I have wisdom in being the best mom possible to my current children and those to come. Pray that my kid's hearts will be soft towards God.
