Wanting to know

We are 9 days away from another big day in my girl's case. March 20th will determine whether we will have an outcome from the last year an half that day or if we will have to go to March 24 for an even bigger decision making day. I keep finding out new details. I'm not really sure what is going to happen. This has led to lots of stress and emotional eating.

I feel strongly that this case is more than meets the eye. There is a spiritual battle happening here. I've been praying night and day over it. Some days, I have peace and know everything will be ok.  Then other days, I'm a wreck and in tears with worry. I keep thinking if I only knew the outcome now, I wouldn't be so stressed. I've asked God many times if He would clue me in to the results of upcoming events. I JUST WANT TO KNOW. The only response I've heard is God asking me if I really wanted to know or if I just think that I want to know? This left me wondering if the worse cast scenario was going to be the outcome.

Then it made me think about Adam and Eve. The grand temptation was KNOWLEDGE. The ability to know what God knows, to be like God. Eve took the bait. She felt like God was withholding something from her. This lie has followed us for generations. God wasn't keeping any knowledge from her that she needed to know. He was protecting her from herself, and yet she didn't see that. I'm shaking my head even as I type this because I'm so much like Eve.  I want to know everything!  I want to know what is going to happen and when.  I want to know the results of all things.  And when I don't know, I wonder if God is holding out on me. Trusting that God knows the future is hard for me.

So I don't think when God was asking me if I really wanted to know the results that it was a hint to an unfavorable outcome. I think it was His way of asking me if I really wanted to take that fruit. Do I really want the knowledge of the future or do I want to trust God to let Him take care of thing?   I've had to daily say I choose to trust God.  I choose to let Him be in control.  I can only do so much, but I can't change hearts or minds. Only He can.

If you would, please be praying for my girls and for me over the next couple of weeks. I want God's will more than anything. Pray that the decision makers will listen to wisdom and that truth would be spoken.  Pray that I will have peace and not be anxious. I so want the best for my girls. We think we know what is best, and most of the decision makers are on the same page. There is one person, though, who is definitely against what is best for them.

Today, I'm choosing to not know the future. I'm letting God be God and do His thing. I know all will be revealed in due time.

(Please forgive me if some of the sentence structure is off. Sleep has been hiding from me, and I can't see straight.)