Storms, emotions, Jesus, and 6 weeks

I really don't know where to start.  The hard part is that I can't really share with the world where we are in the case with my girls. However, it is because of where we are that all this chaos is happening.  We are in the midst of a huge storm. HUGE. Every possible thing that could go wrong is going wrong. Things are happening that are shocking the GAL, CASA, and CPS. They have been doing this for ages; and yet it is my girl's case that is bringing the shock value. I would have preferred a calmer case myself.

Back in October when I found out my girls were returning into foster care, I was asked if I was interested in adoption. I said YES! Based upon that conversation, I assumed that smooth sailing was ahead. Little did I know that I was actually sailing into a hurricane. The last few months have been anything but easy. All sorts of complications have come about. The last couple of weeks have contained new information that has turned my world upside down.  Honestly, it has left me feeling wrung out and completely spent emotionally.  I have done some serious ugly crying. I have prayed like never before. I have fought spiritually daily for a while now. I'm beyond exhausted.

Last night, after some more bad news was delivered, I was angry. I was furious. I was befuddled. I didn't know how in the world God was going to fix this mess. As I was driving home with my girls, a worship song came on the radio. It was "Oceans" by Hillsong. I love this song! The impact of the words hit me full force as I was listening to it last night. I pulled into the garage as it continued to play and I ugly cried and sang off key the song. I could see clearly that I am walking in the midst of a storm and God is with me. I've been feeling like Peter. The waves are all around me. I can hear the thunder and see the lightening. Through the down pouring rain, I strain to look into the eyes of Jesus. I know that if I look at the storm around me, I will sink like Peter did. And we will lose this battle. So I fix my eyes on Jesus. I KNOW He will bring us to the other side of the storm. The crazy thing is, I have peace in my heart. I don't know how it will all work out, but there is peace. Now if only my mind would catch up to my heart. lol My mind is keeping me awake at night.

How this case will end, I have no idea. Every time I try to figure it out, something else comes up. This I do know. It will all be over by April 15. The judge said it must come to an end. That is the day he has set. This means we have roughly 6 weeks. 6 weeks of up and downs and emotional roller coasters. Then all will be revealed.

Even though I don't know what tomorrow holds, I know that today I have my girls. Today, I can love them. Today, I am blessed to be their mom. Today is all we are really promised anyway.