WARNING: My emotions are very high right now. It makes me a little nervous to write this blog with so many unprocessed/unchecked emotions. However, some of my best writing happens when I'm in a raw place.
Oh goodness. Where to start. I guess I will rip the band aid off and just say it. My beautiful, darling girls went back to their bio family today. Yes, it is a bit of a shock. I knew this was a possibility, but I honestly didn't think it was probable. A week ago today, I had met with some of the people involved in the case. We were discussing what might happen on Thursday when we go before the judge. The expectation was for the judge to dismiss what was being brought up and we would continue to a jury trial on Monday (today). Little did we know, that another set of decision makers were working behind the scenes creating a plan of their own. When I showed up at the court house on Thursday, my case manager and I were greeted by the case worker who said she needed to talk to us. A few minutes later, we were in a side room discussing a new plan that was unfolding that very day. She then spoke the words that caused tears to begin falling down my face. "We are returning the girls to their family. It will be a monitored return." Some how, all of these people who don't even really know my girls decided that it would be a good idea to return my babies and extend the case for a second time. I was shocked. Stunned. Floored. Dumbfounded. The ugliest crying and sobbing started coming out of me. I couldn't stop it. I was a wreck. Here I was thinking we were days away from me being able to begin the process to adopt them. When I asked them if they really thought this was a good idea, no one was sure. No one was/is certain that this will be a successful return. Anger rose up inside of me. How dare they return my girls to a situation that they aren't certain will be good? And why can't they have a say about their futures? Just because they are toddlers doesn't mean they don't have opinions. I mean, have you met them? My girls know what they want. But regardless of what I thought, said, or did, what I wanted for the girls was not important to them. What the girls want is not important to them.
When you become a foster parent, they say that all decisions are made with the best interest of the child at heart. Let me tell you now THAT IS A LIE. Decisions are made in the best interest of the parent, not the child. Children don't want to be tossed all over the place. Children want stability. What do you think happens to a child that is with their bio family one day, put in foster care the next, then removed from foster care, placed with bio family again, and then removed from bio family and placed back into foster care again? The child begins to lose the ability to trust or to feel safe. Is that in the best interest of the child? Now let's take it a step further. So they are in foster care for the second time, and they decide that the bio family should have one more shot. The children are then torn away from the only safe environment they have ever known, and placed back with their bio family who are now like strangers because they haven't spent much time with them. Yes, now that sounds like a winning decision right there. (said with sarcasm) Yes, I'm all for children being raised by their parents when it is a safe situation. But how many chances should a parent get? Because every chance a parent gets, is another emotional blow inflicted upon the child. You want to know why children in the foster care system are so broken? It is because we keep returning them into AWFUL, SUB STANDARD, UNSTABLE environments. And it is all done in the name of "the best interest of the child". Sorry folks. I'm not falling for that line any more. Now, don't get me wrong. There are times when the system does work. But for the most part, it is a broken, hot mess. I have had people who work within the system say that very few of the decisions actually made are in the best interest of the children. This is heart wrenching.
Sorry, you can probably tell I'm a bit upset. You would be too if your children were placed in a situation that may or may not be good. No one is really sure if they will end up back in the system again or not.
Now, I must say, that even though this situation is not ideal, I have been given a green light to stay in contact with the bio family. We have exchanged phone numbers. I know where the girls live. THIS IS HUGE. Rarely does this happen. I'm thankful that they are encouraging us to continue to be in each others lives. It is a good thing. However, my heart is still broken. I am still going to mourn and grieve their going. I'm going to need to get away soon. My house is too quiet without my babies.
I got to tell my babies goodnight! I'm thankful they felt free to let them call me before going to bed. I'm hoping this open door will be a good thing. Time will tell.
No comments:
Post a Comment