There are many things that I experience as a foster mom and I wonder if it is just a normal mom thing or a special foster mom issue. Kind of like how I'm never quite sure if my girls are showing normal behavior for their age or if they are abnormal due to their circumstances. Anyway, I realized something this weekend. I'm missing part of me. Actually several parts. As a mom, my world revolves around my two precious little girls. Even when I'm at work, I'm thinking and praying about my girls. As a foster mom, my mind and heart are weighed down with all the different aspects of their case. All the what if's and what about's run through my head day and night. Since my girls came back to me four months ago, their case has been more complex and messy. My spirit has been heavy. My heart, soul, and mind have literally been wrapped up in them and their situation.
A couple of weeks ago, God told me to let it all go. I have to trust Him. I can not control the outcome by worrying. I can not change the minds of the decision makers. All I can do is pray and trust that God is bigger. That is what I'm doing. Trusting. Waiting. Believing. Praying. Letting go of worry. And repeat.
Back to the missing pieces. We have all put together puzzles. You know how frustrating it can be if you get so close to the end and you realize that a few pieces are missing or hiding somewhere. Even though, with those few pieces missing, you can still see what the picture is meant to be; you still are frustrated because it isn't complete. Well, that is how I've been feeling, incomplete. I know I'm doing the right thing being a foster mom. I can tell from the big picture that I'm where I'm supposed to be, but I was frustrated by the missing parts.
Then this weekend I was able to get in some friend time. All of a sudden it dawned on me that I was missing the "friend" piece in my life. I'm a pretty good friend, if I do say so myself. ;) However, as a foster mom, I haven't had a chance to be a friend much. I've tried recently taking my girls with me to different social events. It wasn't fun for me. I had to focus on making sure the girls behaved and didn't destroy things. This left me with little time to enjoy those around me. However, I know this isn't just a foster mom problem. This is a mom problem.
Yesterday, I got to spend time with two of my old roommates. One of them is getting married soon. She was doing her bridal portraits at the Dallas Arboretum. It was a fun girly time. Then that evening, I got to eat yummy Mexican food with a woman I look up to greatly. At the end of the day, my heart was full and I was happy. I had a missing piece put into place. Some how, I have to find a way to keep that part of me in place. I don't want to miss out on the wonderful things in the world around me. I want to be there for my friends.
If any of my mom friends have any tips on how to be a balanced person, please let me know. :) I'm still learning this. I do think it will get a little easier soon to be more social. There are now a few more people available or soon to be available to babysit for me! Hopefully, this will help keep that friend piece in place in the puzzle. :)
**I should note that I did have a great friend weekend just a few weeks ago. It was an awesome time of just relaxing and having good convo with a dear friend. It was healing to my heart in many ways. However, it wasn't until this weekend that I realized how much I missed the friend part of me.**
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