Heaven, Reality, and Me

Tonight, as I was rocking my baby, it hit me again.  The desire to see these little ones in Heaven one day.  I started bawling at the thought of them not making it.  I feel like God placed them in my home for a reason.  I feel responsible to plant those seeds of faith into their hearts; praying daily that the seeds are planted in good soil.  This world is full of thorns and birds that will snatch away the truths I'm speaking into their lives.  Once they go home, I don't know when they will hear about Jesus again.  I will send with them Bibles, Christian books and videos.  Even if they aren't going to church or to a Christian daycare, I'm hoping bio family will read to them their Bible and seeds will be planted in their hearts too.  My oldest picked up a book today.  I asked her what it was about.  She said it was about Jesus.  :)  When I hear her say things like this, it gives me hope.  Hope that she will remember these truths years from now.  

On another note, the last few days have left me exhausted.  I enjoy being these girl's mom.  However, working and taking care of them is definitely taking its toll on my body.  On a good day, it is taxing to keep both of them happy.  When they are both sick, I feel overwhelmed.  I'm stretched thin.  What I really need is a break.  I'm sure most mothers feel that way.

However, being a foster mom I can't leave the girls with just anyone.  There is a process that has to happen in order for them to be approved by my agency.  It isn't hard.  It does take a little effort though.  This leaves me with limited options for babysitting.  I've missed out on a lot of great things because of the lack of help.  I knew this would happen, but I didn't realize how hard it would be to make plans for anything.  I need time to myself.  I need a weekend a month to do whatever I want.  I'm sure that sounds selfish to a lot of you.  And maybe it is selfish.  I don't feel like I can be the best mom possible to my girls if I continue on as drained as I am.  Honestly, I would love one evening a week to go see friends; and one weekend a month to get out of town.  Maybe I wouldn't need a whole weekend every month if I could get an evening each week.  The point is I'm exhausted.  My girls take every last drop that I have to give.  My love bucket is running low.  I need to be refilled so I have more to give.  I want to continue to be a good mom.  If you would, pray that I would be able to get more babysitters.