30 going on 40....

 

I’m feeling incredibly sentimental and emotional today. Today marks my last day in my 30’s. Tomorrow, I turn 40. That is still hard for me to believe. Wasn’t I just turning 30 last year? As I think back on the last 10 years of my life, so much has happened.

I bought a house.

I became a licensed foster parent.

I traveled to China to see my bff.

I welcomed my first foster placement shortly after coming back from China.

I celebrated with my bff as she married the man she had waited so many years for.

I mourned as I said goodbye to those precious girls.

I welcomed another set of girls into my home. These two girls would steal my heart and wrecked me all at once. They were in and out of my life for a long time. We didn’t know the last time we saw each other that it was a forever goodbye.

I visited my dear friends in D.C.

I wrestled with God about many things.

I welcomed a precious baby girl into my home. She looked like me. It was very hard to say goodbye to her after almost 6 weeks.

I welcomed yet another baby into my home. She was with me for only a week, but her story broke me into a million pieces.

I begged God to release me from this journey. It was too hard. He said to keep going.

I welcomed yet another baby girl who was tiny and premature into my home. Ten months later, she was forever mine! My heart began to heal from all the loss. This tiny bundle made me a forever mom. 

We found a rhythm as a small family. We enjoyed our freedom outside of the foster care regulations.

I heard about baby brother being born. I prayed for his protection and that he would only come to me if he wasn’t safe. Six months later, I welcomed baby brother into our home.

Then began the longest two years of waiting for permanency. I cried and feared many times that he would leave me. 

Finally, his adoption day! We were now forever #sweetpartyof3! I said goodbye to fostering. 

Bought my first minivan!

We celebrated milestones, birthdays, and holidays.

Then a pandemic hit. I watched as we all struggled with the restrictions and closers due to the virus. We faced quarantines due to exposure.

My daughter began kindergarten. I couldn’t walk into her class on her first day.

My son began Pre-K4! It is hard to believe he will be in school soon too.

In addition to all of this, I’ve lost both of my grandparents on my dad’s side during my 30’s.

Both children have had multiple health issues. My son had surgery. They both broke their left wrist at separate times, fortunately.

I’ve made amazing friends through the foster care and adoption world.

I've rejoiced with friends as they have married and had children and adopted children. 

I celebrated with my bff when she discovered she was finally pregnant with her first baby!

I have experienced life on an emotional rollercoaster.

I have changed jobs.

I have been on dating web sites way more than I care to admit to.

I’ve lost weight and I’ve gained weight.

I became addicted to coffee. That is one habit I don’t see any fix for.

I haven’t slept well this entire decade. Ok. I haven’t slept well my entire adult life. But it has been especially bad the last ten years.

The truth is that each of these sentences carries more impact that I can express. My whole world has been turned upside down. I’m a different person. And yet, I’m still me. I have hopes and dreams that are still waiting to happen. 

This has been a challenging decade to say the least. In many ways, I’m glad I didn’t know the hardships that were before me. It would have been too overwhelming. I didn’t grow up thinking I would be a single mom. I didn’t go into fostering and adopting thinking I would be single this entire time either. I honestly thought a spouse was just around the corner. Now, I’m not so sure. My friends and kids have more confidence than I do in this matter. My daughter talks very matter of fact about “when mom gets married”.  People ask me how I do it. I tell them my house is a mess. LOL Truth is I don’t have the energy to work, take care of kids, and clean all of the time.

Somehow, tomorrow, I will wake up and be 40 years old. And I will have another decade of beauty, chaos, love, adventure, and hopefully more dreams coming true.