Shift in Perspective

When I entered into the foster care and adoption world, I mainly wanted to adopt. I became a foster parent because the need was great, but my motive was to adopt. During trainings, they would tell you the goal of foster care is reunification which is right and good. However, my heart didn't hear that. It made the process harder for me, I think. The waiting was more painful. Now, when I talk to people who want to adopt from foster care, I remind them that isn't the goal. The goal is reunification. (However, adoption may be the goal for many kids in care whose parent's rights have already been terminated. That is a different situation altogether.)

I have learned a lot over the years. My perspectives have changed. I am continually learning and growing when it comes to adoption in general. I follow people who may have different view points so I can gain understanding. I listen to adult adoptees because their voice matters. I am thankful we have so many avenues to learn and grow as an adoptive parent.

There are some voices out there though that are getting louder in the foster care and adoption community. They are angry. (I'm still trying to figure out the why behind the anger.) They believe adoptions should be rare. They think that wanting to adopt is terrible because that means you are wanting an original family to fail. I've read statements saying to truly help children, we need to keep families together. Or all adoptees should ask what we as adoptive parents did to help their bio mom and dad? In theory, they aren't wrong. Yes, children should remain with their biological family AS LONG AS THEY ARE SAFE. That is the caveat.

We can come along side families and help them all day long. Some will accept the help, grow, change, and thrive!! Others will refuse help, deny any problems, and continue on their path. We cannot make an absolute statement that adoptions should never happen, or children should never be removed from their first family. That isn't realistic. Those who adopt should not be shamed for doing so.

I have seen many situations where the system was adamant about keeping the family unit together at all cost, even to the detriment of the children. Kids have died or been put into life threatening situations because of the push to keep families together, regardless of safety. This isn't okay. Families should offer safety and protection. If they cannot do that, then it is fine for others to step in and help those children. It is good even. I would go even as far as to say it is Godly to do so. (Whatever you do for the least of these, you do unto Me.)

Are there ethical issues that need to be dealt with in regards to adoption? OH MY YES!!! Especially with private domestic adoptions. I'm not denying that there are problems. I'm not saying we shouldn't encourage birth moms to raise their own children. I'm saying, if and when others are no longer able to take care of their child, there are families with open arms who will help.

I freely admit that my perspective was skewed when I entered into foster care. Like I said, I am learning. However, I don't think the desire to adopt is wrong. I never once prayed for a family to fail. I prayed for God's will. I prayed that if the biological family wasn't going to be a safe place that intervention would happen. I am aware that because my kids are no longer with bio family that trauma has occurred. And it wrecks me! I am not happy that their union was severed. I am not gleeful over the fact that my kids will forever wonder about their roots. Yet, I am happy that my home was open for them when they needed a place to be kept safe.

Why am I bringing all of this up? I believe that if you are interested in fostering or adopting, you need to do  your research. Find an ethical agency to work with. Ask questions. Learn as much as you can. Check your own heart motives. Pray. Pray. Pray. If the Lord is leading you into this, He will direct you.

I am reminded that my two beautiful children that are mine via adoption, aren't truly mine. They belong to God. I am just doing the best I can with the beautiful gift He has given. (All children are a gift from God.)