Naive

As I was talking to a fellow foster mom friend recently, I realized how naive I was when I became a foster parent. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. Sure I had taken all the classes.  But I honestly thought they were exaggerating things. I kept thinking everything they were teaching had to be worse case scenario. I remember after a class on trauma care, I drove home in tears. I was freaked out! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was ready to run after that class. Even with the fear that I had after that particular class, I still was in for a shock of what was to come.

The shock wasn't totally from dealing with what the children had experienced though. The shock and horror came from the realization that CPS made many poor decisions, and I'm putting it nicely. No training, no class, no conference told me to be prepared for CPS to choose to put a child in harms way instead of keeping them in a safe place. I never would have dreamed it to be true. I was taught that they always make decisions in the best interest of the child. Oh, how naive I was! Now, I know better.

I have heard stories of families who are being investigated, but CPS didn't pull the children for whatever reason. The next thing you know a child dies. Then they finally decide to remove the other children who happened to survive the situation. Is that how overworked the system is now? They can't remove until there is a death? It is infuriating! Or how about those children they decide to return to their parents? We were taught to believe that a return is always good and in the best interest of the child. It should be celebrated! Oh silly me! Out of all placements that are not leading to adoption, I feel ok about one of their situations. One. That is all. The rest I question their safety.

I know it is frowned upon for a foster parent to speak so freely about such things. I think people need to know the truth though. I often wish one of those behind the scenes news shows would do their own investigation on CPS. If the public knew the situations children were being returned to or the reasons why they can't terminate on the parents with a criminal history, there would be an uproar.

So when CPS fails, who suffers? The children!! Do you want to know what is traumatizing to a child? Being thrown about from bio family to foster family over and over again. There is no stability in that! I wish CPS would acknowledge that the bouncing around is bad for the children. I can't tell you the number of times I have heard "We have to do a return. We have no other choice." Really? No other choice? I have a hard time believing that. When you ask them if they are sure the parents are up to getting their children back, they are never confident. If you are going to go to the effort of removing a child from a bad place, why aren't you going to be 100% sure the children are going to be safe before returning them? It is just common sense.

I gave up on the system a while ago. Current problems that my other foster friends are having make me even more jaded. I know God can use anything. Even this jacked up hot mess we call foster care. I have been praying and asking God what can be done to change this system? I do not have many answers. I have ideas. I do believe that the state needs to hire more case workers across the board. They say the way they determine how much jail space they will need in the future is based upon how many kids are in foster care currently. A sad and awful truth! Instead of planning for bigger jails, why don't we take some of that money and pour it into more social workers, mentoring programs, half way homes for those aging out of the system? Why plan to fail? Why not plan for success and fewer teens and young adults in the jails? How about paying the social workers better? They work crazy long hours and should be compensated accordingly. How about hiring more transport people to help with family visits? Yes, all of these things require money. The government is throwing away millions of dollars on junk all the time. The money needs to be moved to an area that could really use it.

I believe that the foster care system can change. If things were different, maybe family reunification would be good and not a cause of concern. Maybe children wouldn't have to die to get the attention of CPS. Maybe more children would be in forever homes. Maybe it could be what I was so naive enough to believe it was in the first place.