Have you ever been super hungry, but you are so busy you can't stop to eat? You keep going and going. The hunger pains decrease. Your energy level starts to go down. Then when you finally stop to eat, you realize with that first bite of food just how hungry you are! And you suddenly want to eat all the food around you. Has that happened to you?
Well, that is how I felt when I went to the Joy in the Journey retreat this year. (This was for foster and adoptive moms only.) I didn't realize how hungry I was for a sense of community and time with God. My soul was dry. My spirit was weary. Then that first session Friday night reminded me how much I needed to be there. Even though I was missing my Little One fiercely, I needed to have my tank filled up again. I was running on fumes.
It was such a beautiful time in the presence of God! Each worship experience allowed me to pour out my heart before God. He was faithful to fill it up again with Himself. Saturday night's session was powerful! They had several different stations set up - one for communion, a map of the world to pray over, a spot with comfy chairs and candles for praying or for writing, and a cross with note cards near by. The note cards were for us to write down either prayer requests or praise reports and to place them on the cross. I went to the cross and took a card. I wrote down the things I knew God was wanting me to surrender. Fear. Doubt. Worry. Unbelief. And I placed that card on the cross. As I walked away, I felt a burden being lifted. I felt at peace for the first time in a long time. That same night, God had two different ladies pray over me. It was unexpected and a total blessing. It was as if God was reminding me that I'm not walking this road alone.
Some amazing speakers were brought in for this retreat! I could have listened to several of them all day! They spoke with passion and honesty. It helped to know that they too have walked in our shoes. Being a foster parent can feel isolating at times. It is a hard road that many don't understand. I surely didn't understand it before 3 years ago. Being in a place with 100 other foster/adoptive moms, you can't help but to feel like you should all be BFF's. :) I only knew one person when I came that weekend. I was prepared for all sorts of awkwardness. I definitely felt awkward at times. However, every one that I talked to was so willing to be open and transparent. We didn't stay strangers for long. I even met a few other beautiful single foster moms!!! It is always nice to know you aren't the only crazy person. ;)
God spoke to me over and over that weekend. Through the speakers He challenged me to be more intentional with daily moments. To stop and savor life's experiences, to allow myself a Sabbath. He reminded me to stop carrying around the weight of the world and its worries. I needed to let Him take my burdens. He spoke to me of His never ending love for me and all of my foster girls. He let me know that HE SEES ME. I'm not invisible to Him. They were words that my heart needed to hear. I had arrived a broken, grief stricken, fearful person. I left with the knowledge that God sees me and loves me. I found hope and strength to go on. God knew I needed this retreat more than I did.
I can hardly wait for next year's retreat! I'm already anticipating what God has in store.
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