Saturday afternoon, I was cleaning my room. Which for me that means there was a lot of sorting and deciding what is trash and what can be kept. Cleaning my room is never just a simple vacuum and dust situation, unfortunately. However, since it is an in depth process, it doesn't happen frequently when I have children. Anyway, during this cleaning session, I came across some old journals. I'm awful about starting one and not finishing it. Then later on finding another journal that I like and starting again in that one. I have several incomplete books waiting for me to write down my deepest thoughts and emotions. Did I mention that I'm also easily distracted while I'm cleaning? Any excuse to stop sorting will be taken. Back on to the topic now. So this journal was from 2010. I started reading different entries. Memories came flooding back. Then I came to some pretty powerful stuff. Things that God had spoken to me. Tears started streaming down my face. Ugly crying was about to commence. It was a powerful moment to realize I was living out what God had asked of me three years ago.
Three years ago, God called me in a new direction and confirmed some things about my future. Interestingly enough, the confirmation of some desires for certain aspects of ministry are still out of reach. I don't know how those will come about at all. At this point in my life, it doesn't seem like they are remotely possible. I mean, I know several people my age who are in full time ministry doing amazing things. Then there is me. Office manager and part time foster mom. Doesn't ring as something astounding, but that is where He wants me to be right now. So that must be enough. However, after reading about this desire for a particular ministry thing (like how I'm being vague about it? lol), God reminded me of something. There were so many times, as a mom to my girls, that I would be doing things for them that they couldn't see or understand. I knew I was working on their behalf, but they didn't. They had no idea if I was going to come through for them or not. In a lot of ways, I'm like my little girls. I can't see what God is doing behind the scenes. I can't tell how He is working things together. I have to trust that my Heavenly Father knows best and will take care of me. Only He can bring these desires and dreams to fruition. With that reminder, and the knowledge that I am living in part of my calling, I keep holding out hope for what is to come.
I wanted to share with you a small part of one of my journal entries. I want you to see a glimpse of what I heard from God so you too can see that God does move in our lives. I'm living proof. This was written after attending a conference for young adult women in September of 2010, three years ago exactly. At the conference, they had been talking about the need for domestic adoption. I wrote the following:
I felt God saying, "These are my children. Take care of my children. Love my children. I have called you to be a Mother of Zion. These are your children." I believe God was saying that He wants me to take of the children that aren't wanted. I feel like this includes foster care, domestic adoption, and international adoption. I will be the one with the family that nobody wanted. I will be their mother. I will show them Jesus.
It was a few months after I wrote the above that I began taking steps to change my life to be prepared for what was to come. Now, I'm doing it. It is a million times harder than I expected. With the grace of God, though, I am able to be a mother to the motherless. Presently, I am waiting for my next child. I have asked specifically for a baby girl that will available for adoption. I've had some close calls, but they didn't work out. In my heart though, I know she is out there. My first baby that I am to adopt. As much as it stinks that her life will be starting with so much baggage, I'm glad I will be able to come along side her and walk through life with her. I will love her and show her Jesus.
**When I was a young teenager, I believe, I read a book called The Family Nobody Wanted. It greatly impacted my tender heart. It was about a couple who ended up adopting children from all sorts of backgrounds because no one else wanted them. God did amazing things for this family. I couldn't help but me in awe of them. It was with this book in mind that I wrote the line in my journal about having the family that no one wanted. **
If God can use me, He can use anyone. Even though I can't see what is down the road, I know I'm in good hands. My Heavenly Father loves me and has called me. He will take care of the rest.
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