Two Phone Calls

It is amazing how something as simple as a phone call can change your life.  I've had two of those this year. April 20, 2012 was the first one.  That was the day I was told about the opportunity to open my home to two little girls. After a little bit of contemplation and a couple of phone calls, I said yes.  I was super nervous and excited.  I had no idea what to expect. Honestly, you don't know what to expect.  You never know if you are going to get the child who will adjust quickly and love you or the child who will swear at you and kick you.  The girls arrived a few hours after I told the agency yes.  My life forever changed.

Those girls stole my heart the first night.  It wasn't hard to love them.  Yes, we had many a difficult and trying day.  However, those rough times never diminished my love for them.  Never caused me to wonder if I should keep loving them.  I knew they needed all the love they could get.  I love them from the very bottom of my heart.  I love them like they are my own daughters because that is what they are.  My daughters.  My little girls.  They called me "Mommy" and I called them "Baby".  It wasn't a perfect scene with roses and rainbows.  It was more of a thunderstorm with the occasional break in the clouds and the reminder that rainbows and sunshine do exist.

From day one, I was told that the goal was to reunite the girls to their family.  I knew my time with them was limited.  I just never knew how long or short my time with them would be.  A few weeks?  A couple of months?

Then October 5, 2012 I received the second phone call that would rock my world.  On this day, something called a Permanency Hearing was being held to determine whether or not a specific family member was ready to receive the girls or if more time was needed.  Up to this point, the girl's case worker strongly believed they would be going home soon.  It was a matter of whether it would be a few days or a few weeks.  I had been reassured though that even if the Judge said the girls could go home, it would still take a few days to process.  I would have time to get them ready and time to prepare myself.  Well, let's just say it didn't go that way at all.  The phone call came around 12:15 PM.  I was on my lunch break.  The case worker called to inform me that the Judge had granted a specific family member the right to take the girls.  I wasn't overly surprised by this news.  I of course asked the next logical question.  When are they going home?  How much time do I have left?  She said this person would be at my house by 3 PM to pick up the girls.  Shock doesn't even begin to express how I was feeling about this situation.  And needless to say, ugly crying began with those words and didn't end for a while.

My heart was ripped out of my chest with that phone call.  I wasn't ready to say goodbye.  I hadn't packed up the girl's things yet.  I hadn't finished their laundry.  (is laundry ever finished with children?)  The next few hours went by way too quickly.  I didn't really get a chance to say goodbye and give them each one last hug. It happened too fast.

I had those girls 15 days shy of 6 months.  I poured my heart and soul into them.  Now, they are gone.  Somehow, I'm supposed to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and do this all over again.  I'm not really sure how honestly.  I don't know how people are foster parents for 20 years and see 100 kids go in and out of their homes.  How does one not die a thousand deaths with each child's departure?

Those two phone calls will forever shape the rest of my life.  They are moments in my history that won't easily be forgotten.

I have so much more I want to write about my time with my beautiful daughters.  I need to share it, I believe, as part of my healing process.  Many of you got to meet them.  For those of you who didn't, I want to share what I can with you.  They really are quite amazing.  Oh, how I love them so.